she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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