we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
