ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
