she woke up with a sticky ear
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize