I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
