Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
