We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
