i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
