Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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