No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize