hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
