I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
