I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
