some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
