I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
