Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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