so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
