living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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