i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize