And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
