ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
