Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
