I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
