I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
