Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
