We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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