whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
