i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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