All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
