I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
