I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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