My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's never too late to be topless.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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