Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My balls are so social today.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
