Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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