My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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