you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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