So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
