He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
