im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
