Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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