He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
