You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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