His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
