i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
