if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
