You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
