She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
