Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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