i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
