Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I touched a dick in church today
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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