Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They are going to name an STD after you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
