i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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