I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is Oprah even human
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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