after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
