I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
