I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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