I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
