I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
