he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want nice things and good sex
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize