i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
