grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
