She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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