I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
