i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
