im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And then he peed in my hair
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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