My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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