Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
