The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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