Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
