these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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