He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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